7. July 2010 by admin.

A teenage boy had just passed his driving testand inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of thecar. His fathersaid he’d  make a deal with his son:  ’You bring your grades up from aC to  a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut.Then we’ll talk about the car.’The boy thought about  that for amoment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed  onit.  After aboutsix weeks his father said, ‘Son, you’ve brought your grades up  andI’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m  disappointedyou haven’t had your hair cut.The boy said, ‘You  know, Dad, I’ve beenthinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my  studies of the Bible thatSamson had long hair, John the Baptist  had long hair, Moses had longhair…and there’s even  strong evidence that Jesus had longhair.’  Your going to love the Dad’sreply:To thishis father replied,’Did you also notice they walked everywhere theywent?’

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6. April 2010 by admin.

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale... It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help..

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Irving B enson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Estee m Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

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13. March 2010 by admin.

I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1,800 employees, all
without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and
communicated with Facebook and Twitter.

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their
spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in
the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter
with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree,
Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and
something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program
within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything
except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to
live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost
every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that
in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [Blue tooth but it’s red]
phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in
line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50
yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it
and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside was
the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10
minutes, she would sarcastically say, “Re-cal-cu-lating.” You would think
that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She
would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next
light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the
cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy,
the GPS lady, at least she loves me (after 50+ years I certainly hope so).

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless
phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still
haven’t figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run
around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty
laundry baskets when the phone rings. It was a lot easier when it was
connected to a cord (for the kids out there reading this, yes, there used to
be a cord attached to the phone - and we only had *one* phone in the house!
I won’t even go into “party lines” but older folks know what I’m talking
about).

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every
time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on
something themselves but this sudden “Paper or Plastic?” every time I check
out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags
to avoid looking confused but I never remember to take them in with me. Now,
I toss it back to them. When they ask me, “Paper or Plastic?” I just say,
“Doesn’t matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.”

Then it’s their turn to stare at me with a blank look.

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12. March 2010 by admin.

 To my darling husband,

Before you return from your business trip, I want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck.

Fortunately I didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator

instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up came to halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife,

XOXO

P.S. Your girlfriend called.

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11. March 2010 by admin.

I never had time or cared for jokes, but my friend started to e-mail to me some. I found all of them very amusing and forwarded to other friends. Now I think that we can blog the happy, funny jokes on my web laugh blog , ” BLAUGH”, so that  many people can enjoy good humor in these difficult times. Send your best jokes, but PLEASE, NO DIRTY OR POLITICAL ONES.  Thank you!

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11. March 2010 by admin.

Welcome to WordPress, start blaughing!

Please post your favorite jokes or  comments, so we all have fun.

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